"4 Ways to Create Trust in
Your Relationship"

By Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

Do you really trust who you are in relationship with? 

Now, the answer seems pretty obvious if you are in
a relationship with someone, but is it?

Here's some relationship advice for you to consider...

The truth is that you can be in a relationship with

someone for years but not truly trust them--not

be open to them.  There may be jealousy that
needs to be addressed or perhaps there have
been infidelity issues in the relationship. Maybe
your relationship has come close to separation
or divorce. Maybe you have never had these
problems but there's still a part of you that holds
back from completely opening  your heart to
your loved one.

The best dating advice or marriage advice that
we can give is to begin looking at your relationships
from new eyes and consider how you are trusting
or not trusting in them. Then decide to do something
about enhancing trust between the two of you.

We'll give you an example of this dynamic in action--
 

In the beginning of our relationship, Otto started writing

about marketing ideas.  Because Susie is a much better

editor than he is, he would ask for her help.  He always

became very defensive when Susie edited what he

wrote and it would take some time to get past the

"trust" issue of feeling criticized unfairly.  He would

take the criticism of the work personally instead of

understanding that she was just trying to make the

project better.

Even though we have felt like we were soul mates from

the beginning of our relationship, there are issues from

past relationships that creep in from time to time--

and this was one of them. 

A couple of years after writing his first marketing
book, Otto wrote another one and Susie edited that
book also. But this time, we noticed a difference in
Otto's reaction to Susie's suggestions for how to make
the book better.

When she made her suggestions, he still had an initial

reaction but this time didn't take the criticism personally. 

He trusted and felt that Susie just wanted to help
him to make the book better.  When he felt that
familiar feeling of not trusting, he reminded himself
that she was offering suggestions to help and not
hurt him.

When he listened to these new thoughts, he could
change the way he felt about the situation and stop
his initial negative reactions.

What can you learn about trust from our story to
help you trust more in your relationship? Here are
four ways to make your relationships better by
creating more trust between the two of you:

1. Heal the issues that are left over from past
relationships. Some people believe that when you
enter into new relationships, you are starting fresh
and you leave all of that baggage from previous
relationships behind you. While you always hope
that's the case, the truth is, you don't always heal
everything from past relationships when you move on.

If you are aware of your patterns in past relationships,
you can learn to consciously change how you react
in similar situations with your current partner.

2. Change the self-talk that goes on in your head
that creates "stories" about every situation. These
stories usually have no basis of reality and tend to
simply create mistrust and keep suspicion foremost
in your mind. You can change what you say to
yourself and how you talk to yourself. It can either
lead you to what you want or to what you don't want.

3. Don't assume to know what your partner is thinking.
If you don't know, ask. Find out what's going on
inside your partner if it's a concern to you and don't
assign meaning to what you see without getting the
clarification that's necessary.

4. Speak your truth and allow your partner to speak
his or hers without getting defensive. This is probably
one of the most important things you can do to foster
trust in your relationship. If you are certain that the
two of you are free to express what you each are
feeling without fear of being judged, your relationship
will become closer and more connected.

We believe that the foundation of any relationship is
emotional safety and trust.  This means that physical
safety is a given and you feel emotionally safe enough
to be who you really are and be able to express yourself
freely.

Most people want to place the responsibility for trust

in a relationship on someone else.  They base their

trust on how someone acts towards them. 

Whether you are healing a broken heart or just need
some relationship tips, it's important to remember that
safety and trust in a relationship doesn't start with

someone else--It starts with you and how willing

you are to open up and allow the other in.